Love Language Activities: Couples Therapy Exercises to Connect on a Deeper Level
Are You Speaking Your Partner’s Love Language?
Ever felt like you and your partner are on completely different pages when it comes to showing love? Maybe you go out of your way to do thoughtful things—cooking their favorite meal, handling an errand they’ve been dreading—only to feel like they don’t really notice. Meanwhile, they’re wishing you would say, “I love you” more often or just sit down and spend quality time together.
This is where love languages come in. Everyone expresses and receives love differently. When you understand what makes your partner feel valued—and learn to give love in a way that truly resonates—your relationship shifts. Small moments feel more meaningful. Emotional connection deepens.
Let’s explore the five love languages and some easy, meaningful couples therapy exercises to bring them into your relationship.
What Are Love Languages?
Dr. Gary Chapman’s love language theory explains that people don’t all express or receive love the same way. It’s not that your partner doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing—it’s that their version of feeling loved might look completely different from yours. Most people relate to more than one love language, but there’s usually one that makes them feel the most connected.
Words of Affirmation – Some people need to hear love. Compliments, kind words, encouragement—those things carry weight. A simple "I’m so proud of you" or "I love the way you handled that situation today" can mean everything to someone who thrives on verbal affirmation.
Acts of Service – For others, love isn’t something you say—it’s something you do. Running an errand, making them coffee, fixing something around the house without being asked—these small actions feel like proof of love.
Receiving Gifts – It’s not about expensive presents or material things. It’s about thoughtfulness. The little surprises that say "I saw this and thought of you," or the sentimental gifts that hold meaning beyond their price tag. For someone with this love language, it’s not what you give—it’s the fact that you were thinking of them.
Quality Time – Some people just want your time. Not distracted, half-listening, scrolling-on-your-phone time—actual, present, engaged time together. A deep conversation, an activity you both enjoy, or even just sitting next to each other without distractions can feel more meaningful than any words or gifts ever could.
Physical Touch – For others, love is felt. A hug, holding hands, a reassuring touch on the back in passing—these small moments of physical closeness bring comfort and connection. It’s not necessarily about intimacy; sometimes, just sitting close or a spontaneous hand squeeze is enough to feel loved.
Understanding love languages isn’t just about knowing what your partner likes—it’s about learning what actually makes them feel secure, appreciated, and connected. When you start showing love in the way they naturally receive it (instead of the way you do), everything shifts. The moments of “why don’t they appreciate this?” start to turn into “wow, that really meant something to them.”
Not Sure What Your Love Language Is? Try This.
Some people instinctively know, but if you’re unsure, here’s how to figure it out:
Think about when you’ve felt most loved in the past. Was it when someone praised you? Did something for you? Spent quality time with you?
Pay attention to how you show love. We often express love in the way we want to receive it.
Take a love language quiz. There are plenty of free ones online. Sometimes the answer isn’t what you expect.
Once you know each other’s love language, the real work begins—putting it into action.
Love Language Activities for Couples
Understanding love languages is great, but applying them is what actually strengthens your relationship. These simple exercises can help.
1. Words of Affirmation: Speak Love Out Loud
Love Letter Exchange – Write each other letters. Not a text, not a quick “love you” in passing—a real, heartfelt letter. Keep them somewhere special to reread when you need a reminder of what you mean to each other.
Morning Compliments – Start each day with a genuine compliment or appreciation. Simple, direct, and intentional: “I love the way you handled that tough situation at work.” “You looked beautiful today.” “I appreciate how you always think of the little things.”
Affirmation Jar – Write encouraging notes and put them in a jar. When one of you is having a bad day, pull one out. A small moment of encouragement goes a long way.
2. Acts of Service: Show Love Through Actions
The Surprise Chore Swap – Take over a task your partner dreads, just because. No announcement, no expectations—just doing something to make their life easier.
Breakfast in Bed Challenge – Serve your partner their favorite meal as an unexpected act of love. A small effort that starts the day with warmth.
Weekly “How Can I Help?” Check-in – Instead of guessing, ask: “What’s something I can do for you this week that would make things easier?” Sometimes, the answer is something small but incredibly meaningful.
3. Receiving Gifts: Thoughtfulness, Not Price Tags
The Thoughtful Gift Challenge – Pick out something meaningful but inexpensive—a book that reminds you of them, their favorite snack, a small token that says, I was thinking of you.
Memory Scrapbook – Put together a collection of photos, ticket stubs, and notes from your relationship. A reminder of your story, told through the little moments.
Hidden Love Notes – Slip a handwritten note into their pocket, bag, or car. No special occasion needed—just a small reminder that you love them.
4. Quality Time: Be Fully Present
No-Phone Date Night – Pick a time to put away all screens, sit together, and just talk. Even a short dinner without distractions can make a difference.
Outdoor Adventure Day – Take a walk, plan a picnic, or explore somewhere new. When life gets busy, a change of scenery can reset connection.
30-Minute Connection Time – Set aside time each day to check in, laugh, and just be together. Even if it’s just drinking coffee together before work, those small moments matter.
5. Physical Touch: Strengthen Connection Without Words
The 20-Second Hug Rule – Hold each other for at least 20 seconds daily. It might feel like a long time, but that’s when oxytocin (the “love hormone”) kicks in.
Massage Exchange Night – No fancy spa needed. Just take turns giving each other a back rub or foot massage after a long day.
Slow Dance at Home – Put on a song that means something to you both. Dance in the kitchen, the living room, wherever. No reason needed.
When You Need Something More
Understanding how you and your partner express love is a great starting point, but sometimes it’s not enough. If there’s ongoing resentment, miscommunication, or deeper emotional wounds, professional support can help.
Many couples looking for extra support search for ‘case managers near me’ to help navigate relationship challenges. A mental health case manager can guide you through conflict resolution, help identify emotional roadblocks, and offer personalized strategies for strengthening your connection.
I’m Lauren Hofstatter, BS, MS, LMHC, and I work with couples who want to build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. If you feel stuck—whether in communication, intimacy, or emotional connection—I can help you find a way forward, together.